Today was an interesting day. Not only did I think it was Monday because of the President's Day holiday yesterday, but I also spent part of my day explaining what Fat Tuesday was and why it mattered to Christians. I have to admit that my mind had a difficult time keeping up with the rest of me.
On the one hand there was this whole, "But it's Monday. Why are people not doing the Monday routine?" This gets messy in a job where I need to be in a certain classroom at a certain time to check in on certain students. Imagine my self-disgust (too harsh a word, but it's the first word that came to mind) when I realized that I was in the wrong classroom...for the 3rd time.
One would think...
I must say, however, it really wasn't all that bad. I actually had a chance to laugh softly at myself, something I enjoyed doing today. It's too often I take myself seriously and forget that it's okay to make mistakes - we all make them. On days like this I also have the chance to practice self-forgiveness, something that doesn't come easily for me - nor for others I would think.
The practice of self-forgiveness is also the practice of self-revelation. It's amazing to me that when we decide to no longer hold things about our selves deep within the recesses of our thoughts and feelings, we also invite into us the glimmer of light that shows us the way to a sort of freedom. The freedom I write about isn't so much the ability to do what we want to do
simply because we can. The freedom I write about is the kind of spiritual experience we get from releasing the hold we have on the things which keep us oppressed.
Addictions to drugs and alcohol, excessive spending habits, abuse to or by our loved ones, and other deep-seeded secrets is what causes our lives to eventually become broken. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've counseled someone about why they're feeling depressed only to eventually discover they've been holding on to a secret that slowly ate away at their self; at the very thing that makes them who they are.
I can still recall the night in church when a young person, a good young Christian I should add, said to me he wanted to kill himself because he was gay, and if anyone found out he'd be homeless, churchless, and worst of all friendless. He believed that if others in his life knew the true him he would be alone. This young man was broken. Not because of who he is, but because he couldn't be who he is. He couldn't exist the way he thought God wanted him to exist.
And that's really it, isn't it. That's what Fat Tuesday is all about for Christians. It's a time when we can come clean, if you will, of the things which we hold inside us that cause us to be a broken person. It's the day when we can come forward and proclaim ourselves on the mend to becoming whole.
Today I explained why the day is called Fat Tuesday. I said the tradition of this day is the clearing of our houses of the things which are unhealthy for us to eat. It's a symbolism of our intent to live as cleanly as possible for the next 40 days (not including Sundays). I really should have gone that one step further and mentioned it's also the day we commit to clearing out our souls of the things that are unhealthy as well.
I really should have taken that extra step and mentioned it's the day we as Christians make the decision to allow God to create a clean heart in us and put a new, faithful spirit deep within us.
The Psalmist reminds us that God wants us in all our brokenness. Not only does God want us to come to God as broken people, God also wants us to give to God all of our brokenness; to give to God all the things which make us broken. God wants us to come into God's presence imperfect, hurting, and full of doubt. It brings nothing but comfort to me to know that my God accepts me the way I am, even if I'm a complete broken mess.
Today I ask you to know you are broken, and to bring yourself into God's presence just the way you are. God wouldn't have it any other way.
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