Hello to all of those who share your love on this Valentine’s Day, which by my count is all of you. I’ve never been one to think that Valentine’s Day belongs to only those in or seeking a committed relationship, rather the day belongs to everyone who wanted to say or do something special for someone they care about. Cards, candy, flowers, and trinkets all in some way can be shared between any individuals who wish to do so. Don’t you think?
It was after school and I was sitting alone in the classroom, correcting papers or reading student’s papers. The building was quiet, which I guess should be expected on Valentine’s Day in a high school. Of course not everyone was with a Valentine, but for the most part all of the couples had left campus.
The silence was broken by the sound of heavy feet in heels, and from the sound, I had guessed those feet were moving fast. Before I knew it, one of the female students had rushed into the classroom; her face red, her eyes angry. She didn’t notice me at first as she walked by, swearing obscenities as she did. Through her words, the ones that were not riddled with vulgarity, I could make out she maybe she was mad at her boyfriend for not doing something or getting her something for Valentine’s Day. I was so far from the truth.
I could imagine her anger. Earlier in the day she was decorating a homemade card with hearts and kisses, she was writing “I Love You” on red and white balloons, she was even showing everyone the pink cookies with red and white sprinkles she had baked for him. I’m sure that if she went through all that trouble she was expecting at least something small in exchange.
I called out to her to see if she was okay, which startled her. She called back, “Oh, Mr. Randy. I didn’t know you were here." She walked over, sat down, and began to tell me what happened. Now, the story I’m about to tell you may bother some of you, it sure bothered me that day and for a while afterwards. But, we have to trust that in the end everything turned out as it should have.
She told me how her and her boyfriend decided to meet afterschool at his house to exchange Valentine’s Day gifts and how she was looking forward to it all day long. Their plan was to not see each other all day so when they exchanged gifts it would be a surprise. I told her I saw the card and balloons and her cookies and asked her if that was what she was going to give him. She said that was only a part of it and that she had bought him a hat he had really wanted for a few weeks.
Just as planned, they met at his house after school. His parents were not home so they were alone. He put on some music and they danced. As she told the story, her voice began to quiver as she held back a big cry. After they danced and talked for a while, telling each other how much they loved one another, the time had come to share gifts.
She rushed out to her car to get his gifts, and when she went back into the house he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. She called out for him and he called back, his voice coming from his bedroom. She walked in, her cookies and flowers and ribbon-wrapped box in hand. The room was dark, and when her eyes adjusted she had seen that he was sitting on the bed in only his underwear.
I remember when she first starting going out with this guy. She had made it clear that she had never been nor did she want to be in a sexual relationship, and he said he was alright with that. So, when she saw him sitting there, in the dark and all but naked, she didn’t know what to think.
She gave him the balloons and the card, then handed him the box and told him to open it. He did, and smiled and kissed her to say thank you. He held on to her hands and told her what his gift was: he wanted to offer himself completely to her as a sign of commitment he would be with her forever.
I’ll never forget that look of deep pain in her eyes, that look of betrayal from the one she thought loved her as she was and without any conditions. All she could muster to say next was she turned around and ran out of that house. She began to cry that cry I know all too well – the cry that says my heart is torn into pieces and there’s nothing that can fix it.
After a few moments she settled down and continued in a voice that was both angry and sad. She said to me, “You know what he actually said to me to try and make me get into bed with him?” I shook my head. “He said that if I really loved him I would let him give me his gift. He actually said if I loved him I would let him.”This time she broke down and stayed broken for a good 15 or 20 minutes.
Time moved forward for her. She had good friends who protected her and kept her company; friends who really did love her unconditionally. Through their strength she found herself again, and before too long she was able to laugh and enjoy life the way she had always done before. After a while I told her how proud I was of her to be able to move on and she told me that it wasn’t easy, but she remembered how I always talk about unconditional love, and that helped her get through some of her days.
Conditional love – the belief that if someone is to be loved they must act or say things in a particular way. It’s the understanding that if someone’s love is to be returned, they must first do something for you.
Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. More than being tempted, however, is that when Jesus was at his weakest – hungry and exhausted – the devil tries to lure him into a relationship based on conditions.
If you are the Son of God, turn these stones into bread. If you will worship me I will give you all the kingdoms of the world. If you are the Son of God throw yourself down and make God prove God loves you. If you do the things I am asking you, you will know who really loves you, because love has conditions.
If you deny who you really are as a person, if you follow the exact same kind of thinking I do, if you close your eyes to society’s problems, if you only associate with people like us, if you change to become the person I want you to be, if you can give to me more than I can give to you, then I will love you because love has conditions.
My friends, love has no conditions. Especially where Jesus Christ is concerned.
We are currently in the beginnings of our yearly Lenten journey. Lent is that time we take a look at where our relationships are. Today’s question, therefore, is: Are we putting conditions on those relationships we seek to reconcile?
Are we saying to those in our lives – siblings, parents, colleagues, strangers – that we want to love them, but first we need to know if they think and act like us? Are we saying to ourselves we want to love who we are, but first there are some things we need to change? Are we saying to God that we want to love God, but first we need to find the time, or the right way, or know what we’ll get in return?
Love has no conditions.
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in- law, and four-year old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table, but the elderly grandfather’ s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he tried to grip the glass of milk it spilled onto the tablecloth.
The old man’s son and daughter-in- law started to become irritated with the mess. “We must do something about dad,” said his son. “I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.” So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. It was here the old man ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner together as one. Since the old man had broken a dish or two as well, his food was served in a wooden bowl.
When the family glanced in Grandfather’ s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. Their four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father and his wife noticed their son playing with small wooden sticks on the floor. The dad asked the child, “What are you making?” The boy paused and simply responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and mama to eat your food in when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.The words left the parents speechless as tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather’ s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
Love has no conditions.
God is with us always. Amen
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