I hadn't realized until this moment that it has been 4 weeks since my last post. That's been 4 weeks of my not being able to express myself in response to my daily devotions. I'll have to be honest and say that I haven't been completely faithful in my devotions either, and maybe that's why I haven't been regular in my writings.
Just before setting fingertips to my keyboard today I asked myself, "Why has it been so long?" No one answer came forward - I was busy, I've been tired, I had other things to do, I've had no energy. The truth, if I take an honest look at it, is simply because I allowed other things to fill the space I usually spend with my God.
This is something I consistently teach to my students in church. "Always make time for God, Find the time necessary to be with God so you can work on your relationship with God." And yet, I had somehow allowed my time with God to slip away.
With the exception of this weekend (including the Thanksgiving holiday), my recent days have seemed scattered and awkward at best. I would say it was somewhat of a progression over the past month and, yes, I will say that it's because I've allowed myself to become disconnected from my God. You see, spending 30-45 minutes each day reading, praying, and writing brings to me a certain peace, especially after a full day of work.
One could say that for the past 4 weeks I've allowed my path to become bumpy and traveling an uneven path such as that has brought me discomfort.
A few weeks ago one of the high school students told me about her attempted, albeit extremely unsuccessful, overdose. I had been worried about her, watching her for any changes in her demeanor that might show a hint at whether she would get to that point again. I always asked how her day was going and she always said it was ok, but showed no interest in talking any further.
Today she came to sit with me to talk. We didn't talk about anything deep, mostly about her work, school projects, a little about family. She told jokes and smiled and it was good to see her back to her normal self. There was a pause in the conversation where she simply looked at me and I took that look to mean it was time to ask the question. "How are you doing?"
She replied, "Much better than a few weeks ago." I followed up with, "I know you don't really believe these things, but I'm praying for you every day." She smiled and gave me a friendly punch to the shoulder.
That simple 5-minute visit reminded me that sometimes on our journeys we lose contact with the things that are important to us. Sometimes we have to go astray in order to know we're going astray. It's in the moments when our paths are at their unevenest that we take the steps necessary to rediscover the straight, smooth paths on which we belong.
It's also in those moments I find myself longing to be with my God so that my hand can be held and my spirit calmed.
I've missed you, God.
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